Loving the Dead and Gone

I came across this topic on Facebook and it got my mind thinking. “Loving the Dead and Gone” What does that mean to me? What does it mean to others? To those already gone . What does it involve? What does it promise?

I’ve experienced the loss of old friends. I’ve felt the regret of waiting too long to say “I loved you”. I have gone through the trauma of having my Mother ( My Mother, My Sister in the Lord, My Best Friend) die. I have watched the Love of My Life – My Dear Husband Kevin go through cancer treatments and subsequent struggles occuring from the effects of said treatments/cancer. I watched him die bravely, humbly, quietly.

People often think that after a loved one dies that they should try not to think about that person or their loss of them. Choosing not to bring memories up or say their name outloud. I understand that for many this is a part of their grieving process. We all grieve in different ways. It is often hard to understand the behavior of the survivors/mourners.

I feel as though this phrase “Loving the Dead and Gone” holds so much wisdom within it. Love is a verb. It requires action. For me personally it means thinking “What would my Mom do or say if I could tell her about this or that?” What would my Husband do to cheer me up? Where would we go? “What ifs” for me have turned from painful …to healing. Because I go to that “what if” and linger there for a few seconds or minutes. It feels like a hug or a smile or a peek around the corner. For that moment I am there with them; feeling their presence in my mind and heart. Imagining their wisdom, and comfort in the mindful creations of salty sea air and crashing waves, or a spontaneous “car picnic” or eating icecream in the winter. BBQ in a blizzard. Things like that make me laugh. So if I mention my deceased husband, or that my Mom used to…. don’t be sad, or concerned. Don’t be uncomfortable. I am just continuing to love them.

In writing this article I have smiled, cried,and remembered lovely things. And I will have a brighter day for it. May you have a brighter day as well.